Saturday, 10:15pm
Jake's Dilemma
430 Amsterdam Ave. (81st St.), Manhattan
We’re trying here. We really are. But somehow we engaged with the most Age INappropriate boys on the Upper West Side…and perhaps on the island of Manhattan. It all started on the right track: one sign in the window announced John’s 31st Birthday Party, another directed guests to a Bachelor Party (basement), Pearl Jam was blaring, there were plenty of stools at the bar, an extraordinary beer selection, and the scene was more or less Age Appropriate.
A threesome approached.
Sara: You guys with the bachelor or the birthday?
White T-shirt: We're in the army. (He put his arm around her. It felt good. Too good. Something wasn't right.)
Third Guy: If I give you money can you buy me a beer? The bartender cut me off.
Hmmm. We knew we shouldn't continue, but we had so many questions: How did that happen? (out of control arm-wrestling). Where are your uniforms? (home). How do you know each other (two met the Third that night playing Flippy Cups). And, most importantly, how old are you?
The Third claimed to be 28. He walked away after we teased him about being a farmer from Iowa and refused to buy him that beer. The other two were on a getaway from West Point(!), and had to be back by 7pm the next day. As for their ages, they were—wait for it—19 years old (insert scratching of record here).
Obviously we immediately demanded to see their fake ID's, documents that deemed them Hispanic and born in 1987(!), which Short Guy claimed made him 23.
Short Guy: How old are you? Are you going to ditch us?
Sara: (pulling herself away from White T-shirt) Yes.
Short Guy: How old are you? There’s no way you’re older than 25.
And on that note, we dashed to the door.
Maybe 35saturdays will be interested in this year's Fleet Week: May 20-27. Ha!
Posted by: Jud | May 11, 2009 at 11:56 PM
ha! "It felt good. Too good."
Posted by: dan | May 12, 2009 at 01:28 AM